February 27th, 2011: Phoenix Chapman – Cont’d

Today, I’m 33 years old.  I’m nowhere near where I thought I’d be when I imagined my older self.  But even in my darkest thoughts, I know it’ll work out somehow. It always does.  I’m embarking on a new adventure soon, hopefully in a new city, hopefully with a decent job that’ll support me as I get the education to eventually leave that job.

Today, my mom and I went out for brunch, my favourite breakfast of eggs benedict included in the buffet.  We found a new apartment for her, and she told me my grandmother didn’t like the new bedding she bought last week, the bedding I’ve been drooling over for months now, and that she wanted to give it to me for my birthday.  We went to visit her in her new room in the old-age home she has to live in, and I feigned surprise as she told me herself about the bedding.  My feelings about my grandmother have changed now in comparison to how I used to feel about her.  I realize she’s as much a victim now as I was 24 years ago by her husband.

Today, I’ve left that victim behind. I’m surrounded by love, even if I don’t always recognize or appreciate it.  I have many things to look forward to, even if it’ll require some hard work on my part. I realize I’m looking forward to that work too.

Today, I have secret things that make me happy in my heart.

Today, I realize I’m still glad to be alive.

____________________

Phoenix Chapman is very busy in SL planning the next shoe fair, writing on her blog & working with her marketing clients. In RL, she is planning her move to Vancouver, BC and the next chapter of her life.

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