4:00 AM: I woke up feeling gleefully rejuvenated after enjoying a good six hours of sleep despite the visually nauseating floral sheets and comforter in this guestroom, the bed redeemed itself with an incredibly soft set of pillows and a firm mattress. I dozed off early last night due to one too many glasses of red wine which managed to put me to sleep like a baby. I am currently in Denver, Colorado. My father and I drove here from Lawrence, Kansas to spend the weekend at my sister and brother in-law’s house. I got out of bed, put on my robe and checked my phone; 9 missed calls and 12 text messages all made and sent at around 12:00 AM, all containing the same message: Happy Birthday, James! Awww, I thought to myself as I made my way to the bathroom to perform my favorite morning ritual. I replied to each of the texts while sitting on the toilet, thinking of the faces of my friends while I push out last night’s dinner down the watery oblivion. I managed to reply to each of them before my jam session ended;
6:00 AM: I went downstairs, turned on the lights, drank a glass of milk and tied my shoes. I opened the front door and looked at the sky, it was a calm and dull blend of grey and purple, it was still a bit dark and from the way the neighborhood looked, I was the only one awake. I stepped outside and I walked towards the park nearby, I kept thinking about all the times I’ve walked alone with no intention of getting anywhere in particular and then just stopping halfway and going back, never getting to wherever I’m actually headed. I don’t even know if that makes any sense.
11:00 AM: Breakfast with the family was perfect, I logged in SL for a bit to check my IMs and friends’ greetings. Everything seems to be going well and I’m genuinely happy but equally scared as well, scared of what’s going to happen next as I know that it’s only a matter of time before what I fear the most begins unfolding.
James Schwarz is a college student and graphics designer from Lawrence, Kansas. He is still in the oven.