May 2nd, 2010: Emerald Wynn

OH LORD! I thought this post was running later this week. The reminder e-mail caught me off guard. “Don’t panic!” Trace wrote. I’m panicking.

I check the guidelines again: “Be daring and raw.” OOF. My blog readers have caught me in some of my rawest moments and I don’t want to be “that soul-baring chick” all the time.

But raw is one reason why I started my SL blog. I needed a place of anonymity where I could type my way through some RL turbulence. I came to SL for marketing research; I stayed because I liked the idea of recreating myself and chronicling the journey.

I’ve learned that some things can’t be easily changed, no matter what form we take.

In RL, I’m an accomplished PR professional. But it’s like flipping a switch: At work, I’m a peppy spokesperson for a national brand. Off the clock, I’m a socially awkward dork on wheels. I’m 38 and single. By today’s modern standards, that’s not supposed to bother me. It does. I feel like an outsider, my face pressed up against the window of a room I can’t enter. Yeah, I’m lonely.

In world, I see the same pattern. Social interaction can be painful. Once again, I’m hiding behind words. My blog sometimes leads people to believe I’m an outspoken goofball, but when they get to know me, they’re disappointed. Last week, three people unceremoniously booted me from their Friends lists: “We never talk.” “You never initiate conversations.” “Don’t take it personally.”

But it hurts.

Today I’m trying to finish the Zombie Popcorn Hunt. Meanwhile the pain still flits in and out of my thoughts. My inner child wails, “Why don’t they like me?” It’s stupid.

I think about a female friend who recently told me she’s actually a man in RL. I remind myself that I really don’t know much about my SL friends beyond their virtual personas. I accept them at pixel-face value, so to speak.

At our essence, we’re a community of our desires, aspirations and yes, sometimes pain, manifested in virtual form. So if anything, I’m grateful for this glimpse of your souls, even if it can be fleeting.

____________________

Emerald Wynn doesn’t do anything spectacular in Second Life and mainly keeps to herself. She is the author of the blog Emerald’s Eyes and is always shocked to discover that people read the thing. For the record, if you’re on her friends list, it’s because at some point she fell in love with your beautiful spirit in all its dimensions. (Or if you’re a guy, it might be because she thinks you’re hot.) In RL, she’s Erinn, currently residing in the South. Even though her business card says she’s a head PR honcho, there are many days when she feels like a scared 14-year-old trapped in a suit. She’s a former journalist and humor columnist of 11 years and misses those days terribly. She lives in Tennessee with two cats (shocker!) and a disgruntled turtle.

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10 Responses to “May 2nd, 2010: Emerald Wynn”

  1. Savak Zaurak Says:

    It’s amazing at how much those digital friendships come to mean to us. Even though it’s difficult to forget the lost friendships, look to the future towards new friendships.

    As for not doing anything spectacular in SL, you do something very spectacular, you write this blog pouring your heart into each word, which I often look forward to reading!

  2. Alicia Chenaux Says:

    It’s been really wonderful getting to be your friend not just in SL, but in RL too [I think we are, anyway] through Facebook. You are an amazing person with an amazing spirit – in any life. :)

  3. Sophia Harlow Says:

    Em, we haven’t always had an easy friendship and I apologize for that. You are such a genuine and beautiful person and I am so blessed to call you a friend in every life. Thank you for your every kindness and being someone I can trust and love.
    You are amazinggg!!

  4. Krissy Muggleston Says:

    The thing about you is that you are fiercely loyal. When you consider someone ‘Friend’, you will defend them no matter what. That is integrity defined. The people who drop you are missing out. :)

  5. callie cline Says:

    your post was very touching and resonated with me quite a bit. it seems like you are the kind of person anyone would be honored to call a friend. thanks for sharing what you did, it really touched me.

  6. HoneyBear Lilliehook Says:

    If it’s any consolation, your post resonated with me as well. You’re not alone :)

  7. Nimil Blackflag Says:

    oh emmy! i am flattered to see you use our doll box in your post <3 you always have a permanent space on my friends list :p your blog is fun and witty and despite what you have said here, i was not disappointed to meet you nor get to know you! that's not something easily achieved with me so you know right away its important lol.

  8. Chestnut Rau Says:

    When your blog shows up on my reader I skip over everything to read you first. Your heart shines through your words and I wish one day I will be able to write as honestly and as openly as you do.

    We don’t chat much but I am honored to have you on my FL just like the rest of the people here. You are well loved Emerald.

  9. Heidi Halberstadt Says:

    What’s left to say that I haven’t said before? If you stopped blogging and left SL, I would miss you, more than I can say. Thanks for being you, flawed, insecure, eloquent, witty, loyal, with a good and honest heart.

  10. whispersmagic Says:

    I have to agree with the other comments…when I see you have a blog post I immediately head over to it. I am basically pretty shy and spend almost all of my time alone in 2L but I am so honored to be on your friends list…you will remain there until you remove it or the Lindens mess up and do it for us. lol <3

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