May 10th, 2010: Serendipity Xavier

Today marks the fifth anniversary of the blackest day of my life.  I sat waiting for the telephone to ring so I could hear how my then boyfriend Phil had enjoyed the U2 concert I’d bought him tickets to. He lived in Chicago, a world away from my home in Sydney but he was my soul mate. Instead when the phone rang it was his best friend telling me that on the way home he’d ridden his motor bike under a truck and had been killed instantly. I cried for weeks. I couldn’t even bring myself to listen to U2.

I don’t allow myself to grieve for him openly although there are night when I dream  about the future we’d planned. By now I’d be living in Chicago. We’d be married and there’d be a couple of kids. It’d be perfect existence. I wonder if it really would be like that. It seems like the fairytale existence but could the reality have lived up to it.

Five years on my life’s so different. Today started with my little girl over sleeping so there was a rush to get her off to day care. She gave me the biggest hug before saying goodbye to the tv, taking her dad’s hand and walking out the door. I’m supposed to be at work but every year I organise to take today off so I can spend some time reflecting on the “What if” and shed the tears I bottle up for the rest of the year. I still feel guilty because I bought those tickets. If it wasn’t for me Phil would still be alive.

After I sleep I’m going to log in to SL and sit my av at the shrine to Bonotheism at Benten while I watch the dvd of the U2 concert Phil went to. I’ve tried to watch it quite a few times but after one or two songs it gets too much and I get a pain in my chest. I have a packet of M&Ms. Phil used to tease me about only eating the blue and green ones, so today, for him, I’ll eat every one.

____________________

Serendipity Xavier spends her SL exploring these days after retiring from blogging and building. There just isn’t enough time in the day to be productive and she only logs in to see her friends and family. In the real world she’s a wife and mother to the most gorgeous two year old to ever exist.

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2 Responses to “May 10th, 2010: Serendipity Xavier”

  1. Winter Says:

    So brave of you to share this, Serendipity. Thank you.

  2. September 5th, 2010: Serendipity Xavier – Cont’d « Two Three Six Five Says:

    […] Serendipity’s previous post was on May 10th, 2010. […]

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