June 17th, 2010: Charlanna Beresford

I’ve been thinking about my mother lately.  Thinking of how I miss her and would give just about anything to have another conversation with her.   There is just so much that I would love to talk with her about right now.

In some ways, I feel like she died twice.  Once when the stroke took the wise, funny and vibrant mother I knew and again years later when her body finally stopped working.    She had type 2 diabetes that she hadn’t worked to control very well and the resulting stroke took her left side and her ability to process much information.

Every once in a while, the person she was would emerge, only to disappear again.  I’m thankful she got to meet my daughters; I’ve got a picture of the four of us shortly after they were born.  I love the picture, but it is bittersweet for me.  We visited her in the nursing home, I’m holding one and she’s holding another in her wheelchair and in her eyes and behind that crooked smile, I can see the old her peeking through.

My parents divorced when I was nine.  Things were pretty good between my parents as divorces go, but it was still a divorce.  My two sisters were older and quickly off in college; so it became really just my mother and me in our house for a number of years.  We grew closer.  Then I hit my teenage years and we fought.  But more than anything, I can’t help but hear that I sound more and more like her every day.

Just a few short weeks ago I got the news from my doctor.  My genetics had caught up with me and I now have type 2 diabetes.  I’ve been working hard to change my diet and increase my exercise.  I’ve responded well thus far and I’m really hopeful that I’ll be able to maintain without medication for quite some time.   But I’m scared, too.  I think about just how much like her I am and wonder if I see my own future in that picture of my mother with my daughters.

____________________

Charlanna Beresford occasionally blogs but mostly spends her time in SL chatting with people and flitting about the metaverse to explore one cockamamie idea or another.  Her RL driver is married with two four-year-old daughters, two cats and lives in southwestern Ohio.

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One Response to “June 17th, 2010: Charlanna Beresford”

  1. Lenka Tiratzo Says:

    Very sad and touching, Charlanna. I wish you the good luck to your future, thank you very much for sharing, must have been hard for you to put all that in words.
    xoxo
    Lenka

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