July 3rd, 2010: Silver Milneaux

It’s raining today, a grand change from the oppressive heat and humidity that comes with living in a tropical country.

I wear a gray cardigan with a hood against the rain, a black floral maxi dress and gold jewelled sandals. This is my subtler outfit – if I weren’t being considerate towards my boyfriend’s feelings, I would be in sequined harem pants and studded boots. Alas, he has threatened to leave if I wear my diaper pants in his presence. Let alone sequined ones.

I love clothes, if it wasn’t obvious. SL has helped my groaning closet so much – I am happily distracted by fashion blogging, and I refrain from coveting a million new, fashionable pieces in RL, which I would be hard-pressed to afford, and really do not need.

I take the train to Tampines, where it’s outrageously crowded because it’s the weekend. As always, there are girls in skimpy summer dresses, skin-tight denim and stretchy tank tops, on the arms of boys who are shorter than I am, all smiling and enjoying themselves. I follow one of the girls surreptitiously for a bit. Her skinny, tanned shoulders and long, thin legs, are the object of my envy, and probably a criteria for her boyfriend to have chosen to be with her in the first place. This is what “normal”, in my world, looks like. Will I ever look like that without being dead? Is it possible? Am I not trying hard enough? All my life, I’ve looked in the mirror hoping, only to see a monster.

People say the thin avatars in SL are unrealistic. Then why am I surrounded by these perfect specimens of healthy, normal, pretty, petite girls in my real life? Sometimes I look at my avatar and think she’s too skinny, it’s unreal. Then I walk into my real world and I see girls with such impossibly skinny legs. Exactly like SL. Exactly not like me.

SL is the only place in the world where I can change the way I look. A digital shadow of what I yearn to look like in RL, but still worth the self-deceit.

____________________

Silver Milneaux is a 23-year-old NTU student in Singapore. That’s not part of China. She is Chinese, but her Chinese kind of sucks. In SL, she loves to blog and share pretty things on Free*Style and SL Ah Lian. She also proudly does design work for BOSL magazine and owns a tiny store called Act Chio. She’s generally happy, confident and outgoing in both lives, but not very smart because her interests are clothes and boys and jumping in photos. In real life, she looks like everyone else, except with her size set to 150% and probably a lot more sequins. She deals with it.

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6 Responses to “July 3rd, 2010: Silver Milneaux”

  1. AshleePSU Snoodle Says:

    I think you are an absolutely beautiful person, inside and out. <3

  2. Quaintly Tuqiri Says:

    Woman, you are not anywhere near 150%. Do not make me throw something at you :p

  3. Ashe Anthony Says:

    Amazing entry Silver, I really enjoyed reading it!
    You are a great person, so so glad to be called a friend by you.

  4. elfie Says:

    awww sweetie- that post evoked one of those indie movie moments- skipping about all twinkly and colourful, laughing , doing crazy things but also the private hurt and frustrations that can’t help but spill out sometimes….it made me a little bit sad but you are such a great girl- don’t beat yourself up and don’t ever want less or give up on things….just a little polish and tarnished silver will soon gleam bright again.. -x-

  5. maiandemma Says:

    Wow, only just found this. I agree 100% with Ashy!!

  6. Mai Moonwall Says:

    ❥ This is touching, you are amazing Silver! And a very good writer too!

    Mai :)

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