July 6th, 2010: Laharan Rhiadra

Many moons ago, I was younger and less wise. With wisdom however, come hard lessons and heartbreaks, crises of faith and of conscience, and if we’re lucky joy and laughter. Every one of us gets tossed into all of that and depending on how we handle it and absorb it, what we take away from it, it dictates more about us than we realize at the time. It’s not until much, much later that we look back and figure out just how far we’ve come and where we ended up.

I was a happy kid. I was ten feet tall, bulletproof, and always smiling once but somewhere along the way, I lost the road and it got very, very dark. I grew up, I dated bad, abusive men (never physically but emotionally is worse sometimes, I think) and tried to rationalize it, and tried to pretend I had it all under control. Holy sh*t was I wrong.

I was closed off, walled up, and cold. Yes, I had friends and they knew me and I love them and they love me but they were sort of grandfathered in, I suppose. New people only got to see what I wanted them to and stiff-armed when they pried for more. I was a bitch and I was all kinds of okay with it.

I was well into my second Avatar in-world when a couple of things happened. A RL friend brought me into an interesting group of people and I did what I swore I never would, and started dating someone.

I kicked and screamed and denied but before I knew it, these people had become integral parts of my life and my heart in both worlds.

I’m just past my second Rez-day with this avatar (about three and a half years total) and although the relationship went down in flames and quite a few of my people have gone on their own ways, looking back I can’t help but smile. Because of them I’m not so cold anymore. Because of those amazing, dynamic people, the path I’m on is brighter and the walls I’d built are still being chipped away.

I can’t thank them enough.

____________________

Laharan Rhiadra is the alter ego of a 30-year-old former bouncer with a Detroit heart and a Desert-bound soul currently surviving in the wilderness north of Tampa with stories in her head. Her dogs do occasionally like to hear them but only when they can bothered to stop chasing lizards on the patio.

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2 Responses to “July 6th, 2010: Laharan Rhiadra”

  1. seri Says:

    <3

  2. boyo Says:

    I like you squishy.

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