August 5th, 2010: sblair Gossipgirl

“What is your biggest fear?” That is what I was asked while sitting at the nook for breakfast. I was taken off guard as my mom and I usually never really spoke during breakfast. She asked again and I had to think about it, I mean yes I have my fear of spiders, death and mayonnaise, but one kept pushing to the front and that was change.

Change has been the hardest thing in my life, having grown up in foster care for 13 years after being taken away from my family it was hard to get used to something. I would always in the back of my mind be thinking “any second they are going to change my house, any second I’m going to be told that I have to move school.” So I told my mother my fear, and you could see the tears welling in her eyes. We both knew why I feared change, but neither of us had ever really spoken about. She excused herself, went outside and was gone for a while, and I had logged on Second Life and just got list in dressing up.

So come lunchtime I went down to the kitchen and noticed about 13 diaries on the table, and me being the curious one went over and picked up one with a cracked spine and started to read. As I read, tears were coming down my face. I was reading the words of my mother, conversations she had with me while I was gone from her for so long. I read about her missing me when she heard ” My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion, because she had taken me to see the movie. I read about the times she would sit in my room and cry for hours, wishing that God could “change” things. I spent about 4 hours reading these journals and I couldn’t hold back tears, tears of sadness, laughter and longing. My mother had never truly accepted what happened, or so I thought, and in my hands I had all her thoughts and feelings.

Today has made a bond between a mother and son stronger, a love that is forever.


sblair GossipGirl is a 22-year-old living in Boston. He spends too much time watching Julia Child clips and annoying those around him. It’s a gift… He also blogs at


2 Responses to “August 5th, 2010: sblair Gossipgirl”

  1. ap Says:

    shit you made me cry

  2. October 30th, 2010: sblair GossipGirl – Cont’d « Two Three Six Five Says:

    […] sblair’s previous post was on August 5th, 2010. […]

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