September 18th, 2010: Lenka Tiratzo – Cont’d

I am going to be honest with you. I was about to be sorry for myself in my today’s entry. I wanted to tell you about how scared I have been lately, how I have almost failed in my final master exam, how I don’t have a job, which I desperately need. How I am having one of the worst periods in my entire life. But then I deleted the whole chapter, stopped for a moment and read my favorite quote from American Beauty:

“It’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember … to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.”

I got the master degree. It was torture, but I did it. Today my grandmom is having her 70th birthday. She will take a sip from the glass of wine and her cheeks will go red, which will make us all laugh and call her a drunkie. I am gonna fly to UK on Monday (and pray not to end up somewhere in Kazachstan by accident). I am gonna miss both my RL and SL mates. I am gonna miss the one who I got used to miss as time goes. I am gonna think a lot but most of all after a very long time I am gonna breath. I would never have told how one can miss so much such a natural, normal thing as simple breathing.

I didn’t do one very important thing in my previous entry. Let me do it now then, from deep inside of my heart I would like to thank to my friends I have in SL. Thank you. To every each of you. For hearing my inner voice screaming and crying for help, when nobody else did.

PS: Every single bubble-gum, Sonny. Every single one.


Lenka Tiratzo is still 24, but not a student anymore. She still works as a primary prevention lecturer while looking for another job. On Monday she is going to fly to UK to see her sissies. God knows what happens when she comes back a week later, but there is a moment in life for everyone, where you just have to – for that little tender moment – stop worry about things you are not able to change and just let them happen. She will then.

Lenka’s previous post was on July 14th, 2010.


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