September 24th, 2010: Glamouramama Boa – Cont’d

I cried a little today. I was driving, and then I was crying.  I saw a movie that was not supposed to make me cry, so why was I crying?  It wasn’t the movie I was crying about, or the dead cat that lay lifeless aside the road as I drove home.  I was crying about me.

I am in social limbo.  I spend my days with young 20 something college students who I adore, and who I have more in common with than the outwardly miserable old bags who work beside me.  I at least keep my misery buried way down deep beneath the tons of carbs and other delicious morsels I use to help mask the taste as I eat my feelings.  My job is not challenging, it’s busy, but not where I use many more than one or two fired up synapses.   But, working at a college helps delude myself into thinking there is no way I’m going to be 32 tomorrow.  There is no way that I am this alone at this point in my life, two years after a heart wrenching break up.  I tell myself it’s ok to be alone, it’s ok to have two cats because any more would definitely put me on the crazy cat lady list.  I tell myself lots of things to try and make the loneliness just a little less loud.

I like Second Life.   It keeps my creative juices flowing, my online and offline friendships blooming, and my tete-a-tete vocabulary sharp.  New doors open with things to learn, and if I’m sadface, no one can see it and it’s ok.   These are the reasons I keep coming back.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my home, I love my family, I love my friends.  I love all animals and a million other things worth loving…but loving myself is so damn difficult.  And recognizing the struggle makes my life at the moment just that much more confusing.

So, sometimes, you just have to cry.  And then you feel just a little bit better to get you through the next day.  And my next day just happens to be my birthday.

____________________

Glamouramama Boa went to e-mail this and got a knock on her front door from 3 of her student worker alumni who brought her over a birthday cupcake and some sexy booze with vodka and cognac as pictured above, talk about timing.  So, she guesses stuff happens for a reason and her birthday is starting off pretty damn great.

Glamouramama’s previous post was on August 28th, 2010.

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3 Responses to “September 24th, 2010: Glamouramama Boa – Cont’d”

  1. Gabby Panacek Says:

    Happy Birthday, Glamalicious. You are an amazing woman, you never fail to make me smile or burst out laughing with just a word. You are generous, kind, intelligent and unbelievably witty. I hope you’ll always remember how many of us love you…just for being you.

  2. Makenzie Irling Says:

    <3 Glam I hope you had a fantastic birthday. I could totally relate to how you feel, life really sucks sometimes doesn't it? Just keep being sassy, beautiful you and things will end up great.

  3. Lenka Tiratzo Says:

    Happy Birthday Glam:))
    And thank you for finally saying something so true about crying it made me go: Exactly!
    Very nice post, thank u for sharing.
    Lenks

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