“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” (John Lennon)
By my calculation I shouldn’t have been here today. My entire life I’ve made plans of where and what my life should look like according to what was expected of me and what I thought I want.
At 26 I have more regrets than anything ’cause life kept on happening and I wasn’t strong enough to face them.
I find myself lately browsing through Facebook looking at profiles of people I grew up with and people I went to school with, asking where did I go wrong? How am I different than them?
But I know the answer to that, I’ve known it all my life. I don’t discuss it much but the first time I wished I was dead was at 8 years old. It’s hard living life to its fullest when you secretly wish it to end, going everyday with a mask of a happy fun person when inside the deep black hole only becomes bigger.
I should have been something real by now; I should have been working for my country’s foreign affair agency or on the other hand having my first big photography art show. But it’s all “I should woulda” stuff that never happened and are not real anymore, I stopped looking at the past being sad and angry of what has failed on the way. If I did that I would have been angry that I spent 2 years of my life playing SL when I could have done other stuff, but the reality is that I need that time off for even 2 years, and at the end SL gave me the will again to live RL again but better, to rebuild my life and only live for myself no one else.
I am still working on changing my life to the point I’m happy with it and the past still hunts me here and there, But I have hopes and I have dreams again I already forgot how that feels.
Am I totally optimistic? Am I happy? No, but I’m working on it.
Novalita Constantine lives in Israel.She is a SL photographer who also have worked and works with SL fashion magazines. While on SL she enjoys spending time with her friends having fun, discovering new things and following the latest SL fashion trends.