November 4th, 2010: cherry Ravinelli

Today I woke up and felt sad again. Its autumn and winter is approaching fast. Nowhere in my large inventory is an answer to my feelings. I start my morning routine with coffee, reading messages from my friends and family.

My family, my clan, thinking of them makes me a bit warmer. I always had difficulties with family, was it SL or RL. I had no idea that my clan would provide a genuine feeling of family and love. I should call on my queen and ask her advice, as she has proven to be a real queen, wise and regal, warm and like a mother to all of us. I will ask her: My queen, what can I do about my broken heart? Why do I make such bad choices? I need her advice. I need a mother.

In RL it is my mother’s birthday. I never like visiting my family in RL. Too much has happened there, too many bad memories in that place. And this time I really don’t want to go. I don’t want to tell them that my relationship is over, that he broke my heart.

In the end it all is in my own mind of course. The birthday party is fine, I even have fun and am really happy to be with them, my mother, my sisters, my aunts. Still, why am I so afraid to share my feelings? I lied and told everyone that I am in a fight with him, not that it is over.

I make a mental note: I should express myself and not be so afraid. How can anyone love me if I am hiding who I am? A little light starts to grow inside me and I start to cry.

____________________

cherry Ravinelli is a member of vampire clan Immortal kinship, enjoying exploring, fashion, dancing, and taking pictures with are on: http://www.flickr.com/photos/cherryravinelli/ In RL she is living The Netherlands, and working as a PA to a managing director of a large organisation.

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