November 25th, 2010: Stacia Villota

Tonight all is quiet. Very little snow remains from a freak cold front that swept through earlier this week. Still, I vividly recall the night it began: winds so fierce they seemed palpable, tortured, possessed by some inner force that tore my raw heart wide open once again. Sobs and a wet pillow. Time zones and memories. Hopes and unknowns.

I’ve lived in Seattle so long… laughing at its incessantly grey skies from inside the warmth of a coffee house, from the glint of a wine glass at the local shop’s weekly tastings, from the trails of a huge off-leash park as I rambled after two gentle greyhounds… surrounding myself with friends, art, music, good meals, and laughter. Feeling so… very… blessed.

But now I exist in two places. My body lays in a bed grown too large, while my heart prepares dinner in a kitchen far away, listening intently for the sound of a car door. My hands lift a bite of food to my mouth, while my mind’s eye replays two gentle hands breaking bread by candlelight. For a moment I’m there all over again, behind closed eyes, lifting my gaze to his sweet smile.

And then I open my eyes.

This week, like the last few weeks, I do my best to focus on my business… the realities of phones, design challenges, marketing strategies, and project deadlines. Hoping that each task I accomplish will bring me one tiny step closer to accepting the distance that must be, for now.

And counting the unknown days ’til the sunshine of my heart returns.

____________________

Stacia Villota lives in Seattle, Washington, where she earns her keep by providing marketing communications for small business. What makes her heart smile: writing, travel, music, cooking, a couple goofy greyhounds, and all things French.

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