November 25th, 2010: Stacia Villota

Tonight all is quiet. Very little snow remains from a freak cold front that swept through earlier this week. Still, I vividly recall the night it began: winds so fierce they seemed palpable, tortured, possessed by some inner force that tore my raw heart wide open once again. Sobs and a wet pillow. Time zones and memories. Hopes and unknowns.

I’ve lived in Seattle so long… laughing at its incessantly grey skies from inside the warmth of a coffee house, from the glint of a wine glass at the local shop’s weekly tastings, from the trails of a huge off-leash park as I rambled after two gentle greyhounds… surrounding myself with friends, art, music, good meals, and laughter. Feeling so… very… blessed.

But now I exist in two places. My body lays in a bed grown too large, while my heart prepares dinner in a kitchen far away, listening intently for the sound of a car door. My hands lift a bite of food to my mouth, while my mind’s eye replays two gentle hands breaking bread by candlelight. For a moment I’m there all over again, behind closed eyes, lifting my gaze to his sweet smile.

And then I open my eyes.

This week, like the last few weeks, I do my best to focus on my business… the realities of phones, design challenges, marketing strategies, and project deadlines. Hoping that each task I accomplish will bring me one tiny step closer to accepting the distance that must be, for now.

And counting the unknown days ’til the sunshine of my heart returns.


Stacia Villota lives in Seattle, Washington, where she earns her keep by providing marketing communications for small business. What makes her heart smile: writing, travel, music, cooking, a couple goofy greyhounds, and all things French.


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