February 25th, 2011: Amaliscious Destiny

I hate dreaming of you. I hate waking up and realizing it was just a dream and you’re not here. I hate remembering that you will never be here again.

Today it has been two years. Your smile has faded in my memory, your laugh has grown distant, and your voice is only a whisper. Your last day will haunt me until it is my last day. For months I took care of you. I prayed you would miraculously get better. That day never came. I wanted your birthday to be something special. I knew it would be your last, I just didn’t realize how soon after it would be.

February 25, 2009 was the hardest day of my adult life. That was the day my Dad finally decided to “let go”. I had taken care of him for months, and am grateful I was able to be there in that moment, no matter how it haunts me. I have always been afraid of death and sickness. People say death is peaceful, but it’s not. It’s slow and agonizing. I watched him struggle to breathe, and then gasp for that one last breathe. I remember holding my breath trying to go through it with him so he wouldn’t be alone. Watching his eyes glazed over, him lift his hand reaching out for whoever was there to take him to the “other side”. Death is the most helpless feeling in the world. Watching someone you love fight to stay alive, even in that final moment. In the end, you are alone. No matter who is there holding your hand. That moment haunts my every thought. I re-live that day over and over in my head trying to remember every detail. So many things I wish I could have said. I miss your laugh, the way you said “Oh man!”. I know heaven has the coolest angel there is now, converse and all.  I just hope you knew how much I loved you. ☜❤☞

…Icing on a cake

____________________

Amaliscious Destiny is the owner of La’Licious Designs. In RL,she resides in the Midwest with her husband of 19 yrs, and their 4 children.

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